Fuseseră aiese doar materiale nobile, lemn masiv, întărit cu ferecături. Unele fotolii erau atât de grele, încât aveai nevoie de trei oameni ca să le poţi deplasa. Georges auzise că în unele ţinuturi, devastate în mod regulat de taifunuri, mobilele sunt foraje puturi prinse cu şuruburi de podea pentru a nu fi luate de trombă. Nu ştia dacă e vorba de un fapt adevărat sau doar de o poveste, dar de un iucru era sigur: ciclonul ar fi putut să treacă peste casa Ior fără să deplaseze din loc nici măcar un fotoliu! Totul fusese aranjat aici o dată pentru totdeauna, după dorinţa lui Wemer Mareuil-Mondesco, în urmă cu treizeci de ani.
Georges privi, nervos, peste umăr. Regretă imediat că se lăsase pradă fricii. Stia că această casă se hrănea cu spaima lui şi că el trebuia să se prefacă nepăsător cât mai mult timp posibil. Totuşi, mirosul devenea din ce în ce mai stânjenitor. O duhoare de menajerie, un miros de urină. Probabil că plutea în toată casa, răspândindu-se în valuri greţoase pe culoare, rosto-golindu-se vijelios dintr-o încăpere în alta. Georges se strădui să rămână calm. în ciuda fricii, mâinile, lipite de birou, îi erau uscate şi reci. Nu se simţea deloc în largul lui în fotoliul prea mare.
Deşi împlinise patruzeci şi cinci de ani, avea impresia că e un copil care trebuie tot timpul să se salte în vâii'ul picioarelor pentru a ajunge la obiectele pe care adulţii le aşezaseră astfel încât el să nu poată pune mâna pe ele. Casa fusese construită de Werner, tatăl lui, şj numai pentru sine insuşi. Precum un costum de comandă, nu se putea potrivi nimănui foraje puturi apa altcuiva decât proprietarului ei. Georges se simţea acolo străin, nelalocul lui, ca un cerşetor îmbrăcat cu nişte haine vechi, căpătate. Prea slab, prea mic, parcă plutea în interiorul construcţiei. Şifonie-rele enorme îl dominau ca nişte faleze, ca nişte donjoane. Uşile cu două canaturi, prin care se intra în diferitele încăperi, erau destul de înalte pentru a lăsa să treacă un om călare. Dispropor-ţia penibilă a locuinţei alunga însăşi ideea de intimitate,
Se afișează postările cu eticheta scoala de soferi. Afișați toate postările
Se afișează postările cu eticheta scoala de soferi. Afișați toate postările
miercuri, 4 mai 2011
Scoala de soferi Bucuresti
Mijlocul marii biblioteci. La miezul nopţii, casa va începe sâ transpire... Totdeauna îneepea aşa. Sudoarea brobonea pielea fotoliilor, îmbrăcămintea cărţilor. EI Ie ştergea frenetic cu o batistă, agitându-se şi suflând zgomotos. Ea stăteaîn umbră, ca de fiecare dată, până în momentul când trebuia să intre în scenă. Fiindcă era şi puţin actriţă, nu-i aşa? Dacă nu vrei să-i superi pe nebuni şi să le stârneşti mânia, trebuie, evident, să ştii să joci teatru.
O pală de vânt agită revistele dintr-un chioşc. Unul dintre titluri o făcu să zâmbească: Jupuitorul umblă pe străzile noastre...
Suna ca un roman-foileton de prin anii treizeci. Un titlu scoala de soferi melodramatic, pentru o poveste incredibilă despre care se vorbea în toată presa, fericindu-i pe ziarişti. Jupuitorul umbla pe străzi, iar ea era într-un... salon de ceai, în compania unor burgheze grase, severe şi puţin cam moleşite.
Pisica siameză adulmeca pachetele îngrămădite Ia piciorul mesei. Acum, lui Sarah i-ar fi fost cam greu să-şi aducă aminte ce anume cumpărase în cursul după-amiezei. Hainele, lenjeria deveneau la apropierea serii nişte accesorii lipsite de impor-tanţă. Le-ar fi putut face cadou unei trecătoare sau le-ar fi putut îngrâmădi în prima pubelă ieşită în cale, dacă nu s-ar fi temut că în felul acesta va atrage atenţia. Pentru că nu-şi putea permite cu nici un preţ să atragă atenţia. De altfel, ăsta şi era motivui pentru care ieşea atât de puţin în oraş.
Se aprinseseră felinarele. Se făcea noapte. în curând vor veni iama, Crăciunul, goana după cadouri, după cumpărături, un ritual de la care ea era exciusă. Dădu resemnată din umeri, plăti şi işi luă de jos pachetele. Pisica mieună deranjată. Ii veni să-i şoptească: ,,Taci. Taci, că altfel îi chem pe Jupuitor..."
Ieşi. Bulevardul şi valul de maşini încă o mai despărţeau de zidul înalt şi cenuşiu. O cazarmă? Un institut?
O pală de vânt agită revistele dintr-un chioşc. Unul dintre titluri o făcu să zâmbească: Jupuitorul umblă pe străzile noastre...
Suna ca un roman-foileton de prin anii treizeci. Un titlu scoala de soferi melodramatic, pentru o poveste incredibilă despre care se vorbea în toată presa, fericindu-i pe ziarişti. Jupuitorul umbla pe străzi, iar ea era într-un... salon de ceai, în compania unor burgheze grase, severe şi puţin cam moleşite.
Pisica siameză adulmeca pachetele îngrămădite Ia piciorul mesei. Acum, lui Sarah i-ar fi fost cam greu să-şi aducă aminte ce anume cumpărase în cursul după-amiezei. Hainele, lenjeria deveneau la apropierea serii nişte accesorii lipsite de impor-tanţă. Le-ar fi putut face cadou unei trecătoare sau le-ar fi putut îngrâmădi în prima pubelă ieşită în cale, dacă nu s-ar fi temut că în felul acesta va atrage atenţia. Pentru că nu-şi putea permite cu nici un preţ să atragă atenţia. De altfel, ăsta şi era motivui pentru care ieşea atât de puţin în oraş.
Se aprinseseră felinarele. Se făcea noapte. în curând vor veni iama, Crăciunul, goana după cadouri, după cumpărături, un ritual de la care ea era exciusă. Dădu resemnată din umeri, plăti şi işi luă de jos pachetele. Pisica mieună deranjată. Ii veni să-i şoptească: ,,Taci. Taci, că altfel îi chem pe Jupuitor..."
Ieşi. Bulevardul şi valul de maşini încă o mai despărţeau de zidul înalt şi cenuşiu. O cazarmă? Un institut?
Salon de ceai
Cuvântul acesta i se potrivea exact, nu? Era dresoare şi peste foarte puţin timp avea să se înapoieze în cuşca fiarelor, unde o aştepta Georges Mareuil-Mondesco.
O aştepta, era sigură. în seara asta avea să fie reprezentaţie. Se puteau deja aprinde reflectoarele şi împrăştia rumeguş în arenă.
Rumeguş ca sâ absoarbâ sângele...
Dădu din cap, parcă deranjată de o viespe, şi îşi goli ceaşca. Liniştea i se fisura, dar ea era de vină. Se apropiase prea mult de casă, iar undele nefaste emanate de creierul dezechili-brat al lui Georges trecuseră pe deasupra zidului şi veniseră să o persecute în confortul plăcut al salonului de ceai.
Femeile de la masa vecină o urmăreau, cu buzele strânse. Un moment se întrebă dacă nu cumva î.şi pierduse în aşa măsură sângele rece, încât să vorbeasca cu glas tare. De la o vreme, i se cam întâmpla, în clipele de mare tensiune nervoasă.
- Sunt o dresoare, ar fi avut ea poftă să le strige. Sau mai curând o infumieră. O infinnieră secretă, fără uniformă sau bonetă...
Totuşi avea o uniformă. Georges o pusesc să cumpere una, ca să inducă în eroare. O îmbrăca uneori, câml venea cineva în casă. Dar asta se întâmpla rar. Din cauza muzeului, (reorgesnu mai primea de multă vreme pc nirneni.
O infirmieră secretă, denumirea era bună. () Infirmierâ pe care ar fi trebuit săo îmbrace în cauciuc negru. Strânse <lin dinţi pentru a-şi ascunde râsul nervos.
Simţea o pomire din ce în ce mai mare de a lc ocări pe cliente. Cu ţinuta Ior semeaţă, îi aminteau brusc de fantomele sinistre ivite din trecutul ei intim. ,,Să nu întârziaţi pe strâzi diseară, frumoaselor", îşi zise rânjind. ,,în noaptea asta, fiara va fi slobozită. Ştiu, simt..."
Era sigură că nu se înşeală. Cunoştea perfecl simptomelc. De câteva zile, Georges se agita, se învârtea ca un animal în
O aştepta, era sigură. în seara asta avea să fie reprezentaţie. Se puteau deja aprinde reflectoarele şi împrăştia rumeguş în arenă.
Rumeguş ca sâ absoarbâ sângele...
Dădu din cap, parcă deranjată de o viespe, şi îşi goli ceaşca. Liniştea i se fisura, dar ea era de vină. Se apropiase prea mult de casă, iar undele nefaste emanate de creierul dezechili-brat al lui Georges trecuseră pe deasupra zidului şi veniseră să o persecute în confortul plăcut al salonului de ceai.
Femeile de la masa vecină o urmăreau, cu buzele strânse. Un moment se întrebă dacă nu cumva î.şi pierduse în aşa măsură sângele rece, încât să vorbeasca cu glas tare. De la o vreme, i se cam întâmpla, în clipele de mare tensiune nervoasă.
- Sunt o dresoare, ar fi avut ea poftă să le strige. Sau mai curând o infumieră. O infinnieră secretă, fără uniformă sau bonetă...
Totuşi avea o uniformă. Georges o pusesc să cumpere una, ca să inducă în eroare. O îmbrăca uneori, câml venea cineva în casă. Dar asta se întâmpla rar. Din cauza muzeului, (reorgesnu mai primea de multă vreme pc nirneni.
O infirmieră secretă, denumirea era bună. () Infirmierâ pe care ar fi trebuit săo îmbrace în cauciuc negru. Strânse <lin dinţi pentru a-şi ascunde râsul nervos.
Simţea o pomire din ce în ce mai mare de a lc ocări pe cliente. Cu ţinuta Ior semeaţă, îi aminteau brusc de fantomele sinistre ivite din trecutul ei intim. ,,Să nu întârziaţi pe strâzi diseară, frumoaselor", îşi zise rânjind. ,,în noaptea asta, fiara va fi slobozită. Ştiu, simt..."
Era sigură că nu se înşeală. Cunoştea perfecl simptomelc. De câteva zile, Georges se agita, se învârtea ca un animal în
Piele neagra
îmbrăcată toată în pieie neagră, cu umerii obrajilor proemi-nenţi, ochii alungiţi şi parcă ceva dintr-o preoteasă egipteană obosită de rugăciuni nesfârşite. Rugâciuni sau sacrificii...
Ştia că toate celelalte femei se uită la ea. Le simţea privirile ca pe atingerea uşoară a unor aripi de fluture. Priviri geloase, vindicative. Zâmbi şi amestecăîn ceai cu linguriţa de argint. O ceremonie desuetă, care o liniştea mai bine decât ar fi făcut-o tranchilizantele cele mai eficiente.
işi petrecuse ziua umblând după cumpărături şi făcând o grămadâ dc alte activităţi inutile. Cumpărasc haine, lenjerie fină şi pierduse o oră întreagă căutând ciorapi de o anumită nuanţă cenuşie. Pentru cine? Pentru ce?
Se tot îmbrăcase şi dezbrăcase în spaţiui îngust al cabine-lor de probă, şi de fiecare dată surprinsese în privirea vânzătoa-relor aceeaşi scânteie de admiraţie. Intr-un magazin din cartie-rul Marais, chiar auzise o fată şoptind: ,,Are asta un look!..." Era plăcut să te joci de-a femeia normală. Putca să-şi spună că e soţia trândavă a unui cadru superioi si că i.şi petrece /ilelc frecventând magazinele şi librâriilc-saloanc de ceai unde se vorbeşte cu gura plină despre literatură.
„Marţi, la ora optsprezece, mă duc la cursul de bui fttărie chinezească". visa ea, „Vineri, şedinţa de gimnasticfl tibeta-nă..."
Eraun joc. Jocul de-a f,oamenii normali" ftde fnclată
ce ieşea pe poana vilci. străduindu se să uite totul
Ştia că toate celelalte femei se uită la ea. Le simţea privirile ca pe atingerea uşoară a unor aripi de fluture. Priviri geloase, vindicative. Zâmbi şi amestecăîn ceai cu linguriţa de argint. O ceremonie desuetă, care o liniştea mai bine decât ar fi făcut-o tranchilizantele cele mai eficiente.
işi petrecuse ziua umblând după cumpărături şi făcând o grămadâ dc alte activităţi inutile. Cumpărasc haine, lenjerie fină şi pierduse o oră întreagă căutând ciorapi de o anumită nuanţă cenuşie. Pentru cine? Pentru ce?
Se tot îmbrăcase şi dezbrăcase în spaţiui îngust al cabine-lor de probă, şi de fiecare dată surprinsese în privirea vânzătoa-relor aceeaşi scânteie de admiraţie. Intr-un magazin din cartie-rul Marais, chiar auzise o fată şoptind: ,,Are asta un look!..." Era plăcut să te joci de-a femeia normală. Putca să-şi spună că e soţia trândavă a unui cadru superioi si că i.şi petrece /ilelc frecventând magazinele şi librâriilc-saloanc de ceai unde se vorbeşte cu gura plină despre literatură.
„Marţi, la ora optsprezece, mă duc la cursul de bui fttărie chinezească". visa ea, „Vineri, şedinţa de gimnasticfl tibeta-nă..."
Eraun joc. Jocul de-a f,oamenii normali" ftde fnclată
ce ieşea pe poana vilci. străduindu se să uite totul
marți, 1 februarie 2011
Because I know you'll understand
To my Dearest "K"....
Eleven months ago we sat in the bodega, drinking wine and smoking butts, cracking up with each other as we admitted to ourselves that our lives had become pointless materialistic voids centered around superficial NYC bullshit with no real meaning or purpose. It was that evening over two (6) bottles of wine that we both admitted that we needed to take our lives to the next level... babies were in the near future for us both and oh did we have grand plans!
Within 2 months - was it even that long? - you busted me and outed my early pregnancy (you're so damn perceptive) and you delighted in my joy, toasting my apple juice with your glasses of bubbly. We giggled and hooted about how fertile I was and agonized over your own fertility issues, googling and questioning what could be wrong... why weren't you conceiving?
And then while you were on vacation I lost the baby. That was one of the hardest parts of that loss... and you knew it. The timing was horrible since you were my closest local accomplice and I know it killed us both that we were apart for that. Nevertheless, you came back and we delved into the reasons why, fought back the tears, clinked our glasses and vowed to continue our struggles.. both of us.
And then finally in January you giddily announced your impending arrival to me. I want you to know that I was excited for you.. and still am, and I apologize if I was distant at times. My hurt was still fresh and my tears still not dry.
......And then you moved.
......And then I got pregnant again.
......And then I lost it again.
Today you are 7 months pregnant and now live 4 hours away from me. Your life sounds fabulous and I am so excited every time I speak to you and you tell me more about Isabella-Rose and how much she's growing and wiggling inside of you. I love hearing about baby-yoga and all of the fabulous classes you're taking as you near your due date. I wish nothing but the best for you, E and the baby who is destined to be a knockout, not to mention a scholar.
So here is where my problem lies "K"....
I have recently received your baby shower invitation which is beautiful and so "you". I want so badly to share in your joy but shamefully I must ask you to excuse me since apparantly I am still a selfish, immature, self-centered, egotistical ass and cannot bring myself to sit in a room filled with the joy I so desperatly wanted for myself.
I promise to you that I will come visit you later this year after your little one arrives. Hopefully by then "Dad" and I will have some more concrete reasons as to why this keeps happening and the envy would have subsided with the knowledge of what needs to be done. For now we are living way too much in the unknown and that makes this all the more hard.
I know you get it, coz you're "K" and you're a fabulously understanding, supportive, compassionate and beautiful friend. I know you won't hold this against me and I want you to know it's not that I don't want to be there, I just don't think that I am emotionally ready to be there yet.
I love you girl and again, I'm sorry.
Eleven months ago we sat in the bodega, drinking wine and smoking butts, cracking up with each other as we admitted to ourselves that our lives had become pointless materialistic voids centered around superficial NYC bullshit with no real meaning or purpose. It was that evening over two (6) bottles of wine that we both admitted that we needed to take our lives to the next level... babies were in the near future for us both and oh did we have grand plans!
Within 2 months - was it even that long? - you busted me and outed my early pregnancy (you're so damn perceptive) and you delighted in my joy, toasting my apple juice with your glasses of bubbly. We giggled and hooted about how fertile I was and agonized over your own fertility issues, googling and questioning what could be wrong... why weren't you conceiving?
And then while you were on vacation I lost the baby. That was one of the hardest parts of that loss... and you knew it. The timing was horrible since you were my closest local accomplice and I know it killed us both that we were apart for that. Nevertheless, you came back and we delved into the reasons why, fought back the tears, clinked our glasses and vowed to continue our struggles.. both of us.
And then finally in January you giddily announced your impending arrival to me. I want you to know that I was excited for you.. and still am, and I apologize if I was distant at times. My hurt was still fresh and my tears still not dry.
......And then you moved.
......And then I got pregnant again.
......And then I lost it again.
Today you are 7 months pregnant and now live 4 hours away from me. Your life sounds fabulous and I am so excited every time I speak to you and you tell me more about Isabella-Rose and how much she's growing and wiggling inside of you. I love hearing about baby-yoga and all of the fabulous classes you're taking as you near your due date. I wish nothing but the best for you, E and the baby who is destined to be a knockout, not to mention a scholar.
So here is where my problem lies "K"....
I have recently received your baby shower invitation which is beautiful and so "you". I want so badly to share in your joy but shamefully I must ask you to excuse me since apparantly I am still a selfish, immature, self-centered, egotistical ass and cannot bring myself to sit in a room filled with the joy I so desperatly wanted for myself.
I promise to you that I will come visit you later this year after your little one arrives. Hopefully by then "Dad" and I will have some more concrete reasons as to why this keeps happening and the envy would have subsided with the knowledge of what needs to be done. For now we are living way too much in the unknown and that makes this all the more hard.
I know you get it, coz you're "K" and you're a fabulously understanding, supportive, compassionate and beautiful friend. I know you won't hold this against me and I want you to know it's not that I don't want to be there, I just don't think that I am emotionally ready to be there yet.
I love you girl and again, I'm sorry.
Party of 3...wait no, 4
I feel like I've abandoned my blog recently which is a surprisingly horrible feeling now that I've been religiously banging away at my keyboard for 6 months... wow, has it really been that long! It's funny how upset I get now when I don't have the time to come pour my thoughts out into cyberspace. This whole journal thing really has become an bizarre form of therapy for me in more than just my reproductive / un-reproductive life. I literally dream of writing when I can't. So I'm sure you understand that my recent sojourn hasn't been for a lack of wanting to speak... au contraire, speak is what I want and want I do best, but my life recently has become all about entertaining those I would rather not have to entertain.
Let me explain....
Now that the summer months are here "Dad's" business (construction) has literally blown up on itself to the point that he can barely find qualified workmen fast enough to keep up with the volume of work that keeps streaming in his door. For obvious reasons this is a great thing but the problem herein lies that in order to keep pace, "Dad's" had to bring a friend of his in from DC to live with us and supervise overflow of projects. To make sure that I am expressing myself clearly I feel the need to emphasize that by "live with us" I mean "crash on our couch". Come on, this IS still NYC and lest we all forget that I got duped out of our promised 2 bedroom apartment last week so we're still bunking up in our one'r.
So for the last week and a half my lovely little life of me and "Dad" has now turned into "Dad", me and Dupree... the guy on the couch.
I must admit that I've been quite proud of myself and my alarming patience with this situation since those who know me know I don't "room" well with others. I realize that this is important for "Dad's" business and for that reason and that reason alone I have yet to throw a full on hissy fit. But as time ticks by and the clutter of a crowded apartment starts keeling in on me, I'm starting to notice that my patience is running thin.
You see, this weekend Dupree's girlfriend turned up.
So now, it's "Dad," me, Dupree, and Dupree's Russian girlfriend -- who has decided she'd like to stay another 5 days but who refuses to help wash a dish or contribute in any way whatsoever to the upkeep of a tiny apartment with 4 people and 2 dogs.
Added to all of this, Dupree and (let's call her Nas-tashia -- pronounce with thickest, most drawled out Russian accent possible) also expect that we entertain them which means dinners, drinks, shopping, site seeing, the works. So needless to say that on this Monday morning I am full-on E.X.H.A.U.S.T.ED right about now.
But because I love my man and I know that this boom in his business is seasonal I keep my mouth shut. I have asked him to send Dupree back to DC this weekend with Nas-tashia since I have a friend coming in from out of town who I'd prefer to not have to force to sleep with the dogs, so luckily we'll have a weekend off from those two but it really feels like the constant influx of house guests just isn't ending. Though don't get me wrong... my house guest this weekend is "Dr. Far-Away-But-Fabulous" who I am thrilled to be having come visit me.
I'll take any of my girls over Dupree + Nas-tashia any day of the week!
Let me explain....
Now that the summer months are here "Dad's" business (construction) has literally blown up on itself to the point that he can barely find qualified workmen fast enough to keep up with the volume of work that keeps streaming in his door. For obvious reasons this is a great thing but the problem herein lies that in order to keep pace, "Dad's" had to bring a friend of his in from DC to live with us and supervise overflow of projects. To make sure that I am expressing myself clearly I feel the need to emphasize that by "live with us" I mean "crash on our couch". Come on, this IS still NYC and lest we all forget that I got duped out of our promised 2 bedroom apartment last week so we're still bunking up in our one'r.
So for the last week and a half my lovely little life of me and "Dad" has now turned into "Dad", me and Dupree... the guy on the couch.
I must admit that I've been quite proud of myself and my alarming patience with this situation since those who know me know I don't "room" well with others. I realize that this is important for "Dad's" business and for that reason and that reason alone I have yet to throw a full on hissy fit. But as time ticks by and the clutter of a crowded apartment starts keeling in on me, I'm starting to notice that my patience is running thin.
You see, this weekend Dupree's girlfriend turned up.
So now, it's "Dad," me, Dupree, and Dupree's Russian girlfriend -- who has decided she'd like to stay another 5 days but who refuses to help wash a dish or contribute in any way whatsoever to the upkeep of a tiny apartment with 4 people and 2 dogs.
Added to all of this, Dupree and (let's call her Nas-tashia -- pronounce with thickest, most drawled out Russian accent possible) also expect that we entertain them which means dinners, drinks, shopping, site seeing, the works. So needless to say that on this Monday morning I am full-on E.X.H.A.U.S.T.ED right about now.
But because I love my man and I know that this boom in his business is seasonal I keep my mouth shut. I have asked him to send Dupree back to DC this weekend with Nas-tashia since I have a friend coming in from out of town who I'd prefer to not have to force to sleep with the dogs, so luckily we'll have a weekend off from those two but it really feels like the constant influx of house guests just isn't ending. Though don't get me wrong... my house guest this weekend is "Dr. Far-Away-But-Fabulous" who I am thrilled to be having come visit me.
I'll take any of my girls over Dupree + Nas-tashia any day of the week!
That'll be $10 thanks
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Being a woman infertile woman means that I will, from time to time spend many degrading hours, legs spread-eagled while Dr. So-and-So, and Dr. This-and-That poke, prod, ooh and ahh at the workings and malfunctions of my busted bits.
Today was one of those days ----- multiplied by 10.
My sono-hys started out rather routinely with my sonographer "Dj" measuring my ovaries, uterus and all that muck, swearing that she actually understands what's what and wasn't just making a good guess as to which is a fallopian tube and which is an endometrium. To me it all looks like a gray cloudy floaty mess and sometimes I think they're just imagining what they say they're seeing. Oh right, that's until they predict my baby is going to die and it actually happens... riggggggght, maybe they do know what they're talking about.
After Dj was done she called in the Doctor who's name slips me but who was quite nice and very concerned with keeping me involved in the whole process and not treating me like just another snatch. That was nice of her.
So here's how the whole sono-hys thing works......
After all the measurements were taken they clamped me open with a speculum and with what looked like iodine, proceeded to reach up inside of me to wipe my cervix clean. Odd, I didn't realize it was dirty but I guess it's possible since there have been a lot of people digging around up in there recently and who knows what some nasty little bugger could have left behind.
Once all sparkly clean, my Doc inserted a catheter and started squirting saline solution up inside of me whilst Dj stuck in her slutty-cam and began looking around for malfunctions, misformations and so have you. To be honest the most painful part (if you can call it that) was the insertion of the fluid which felt like someone was pinching my uterus. Maybe someone was... the Doc was giving me some eyes so maybe that was just her way of coyly saying what's up. I guess everyone's got to have an original method of letting you know they care.
After a few minutes of wrinkled foreheads and crossed up brows my Doc finally announced that she wasn't quite sure if what she was seeing was actually there or whether she was imagining it. She needed a second opinion to which I agreed and in came Doc #2. When he couldn't come to any conclusive inference either he invited in Doc #3, Doc #4, and Doc #5, at which point I started charging admission. The way I figure it is that if that many Docs are gonna get off on my exposed parts then I might as well churn a profit. Fuck knows I'll be paying the bills for all this testing for months to come.
So there I lay, legs EVERYWHERE with 5 doctors, 2 residents and Dj, all staring at me with huge question marks floating in a mismatched puzzle above their heads.
Finally they concluded that I should put my pants back on and come back in a month to re-do the same tests.
"WHAT THE FUCK".....I thought, "I just WAITED A MONTH for this test and now these bastards are sending me home with no results".
This was just not acceptable.
But since every shred of decency in my body had already left the building, I quietly walked out of the hospital, head down, crampy and trying my best to hold back the flood gates since crying whilst walking through midtown at 5:30pm is just not kosher. Someone was bound to hastle me and let's just say I was not in a hastling mood. Finally I found a Mc Donalds, tucked myself into the bathroom and broke down, crying out of pure frustration at the fact that no one seemed able to give me a viable answer. Added to this, no one told me that the injected fluid would suddenly start gushing out of me, a mix of iodine, blood and saline solution, all at once without notice. So there I stood in the disgusting Mc D's restroom with streams of water dripping down my face and a concoction of 3 staining my favorite, lucky jeans. Quite a sight.
When, like a God-sent angel, my phone started ringing and it was my regular, fabulous OBGYN calling to let me know that she had also looked at my tests and disagreed with the Doctors at the hospital. There might be a tiny septum (growth of skin) on my uterus, but even if there is, it's so tiny she wouldn't do anything about it. So she has now referred me to a fertility specialist Dr Sign, who will start his onslaught of tests on us both since my thrombophilia results are also in and negative. Her thoughts are that I'm probably just a low progesterone producer and that I should be put on a supplement before trying again. That said, she's still just an OB and doesn't want to make that call on her own. So next steps, Dr. Sign... my first, real male cooch doctor.
Physically exhausted and soaked, I headed over to Bloomingdales to pick up some new pants and of course for a little retail therapy. There's nothing a girl could use more after a discouraging day than new clothes, shoes and makeup.
Don't ya think?
Being a
Today was one of those days ----- multiplied by 10.
My sono-hys started out rather routinely with my sonographer "Dj" measuring my ovaries, uterus and all that muck, swearing that she actually understands what's what and wasn't just making a good guess as to which is a fallopian tube and which is an endometrium. To me it all looks like a gray cloudy floaty mess and sometimes I think they're just imagining what they say they're seeing. Oh right, that's until they predict my baby is going to die and it actually happens... riggggggght, maybe they do know what they're talking about.
After Dj was done she called in the Doctor who's name slips me but who was quite nice and very concerned with keeping me involved in the whole process and not treating me like just another snatch. That was nice of her.
So here's how the whole sono-hys thing works......
After all the measurements were taken they clamped me open with a speculum and with what looked like iodine, proceeded to reach up inside of me to wipe my cervix clean. Odd, I didn't realize it was dirty but I guess it's possible since there have been a lot of people digging around up in there recently and who knows what some nasty little bugger could have left behind.
Once all sparkly clean, my Doc inserted a catheter and started squirting saline solution up inside of me whilst Dj stuck in her slutty-cam and began looking around for malfunctions, misformations and so have you. To be honest the most painful part (if you can call it that) was the insertion of the fluid which felt like someone was pinching my uterus. Maybe someone was... the Doc was giving me some eyes so maybe that was just her way of coyly saying what's up. I guess everyone's got to have an original method of letting you know they care.
After a few minutes of wrinkled foreheads and crossed up brows my Doc finally announced that she wasn't quite sure if what she was seeing was actually there or whether she was imagining it. She needed a second opinion to which I agreed and in came Doc #2. When he couldn't come to any conclusive inference either he invited in Doc #3, Doc #4, and Doc #5, at which point I started charging admission. The way I figure it is that if that many Docs are gonna get off on my exposed parts then I might as well churn a profit. Fuck knows I'll be paying the bills for all this testing for months to come.
So there I lay, legs EVERYWHERE with 5 doctors, 2 residents and Dj, all staring at me with huge question marks floating in a mismatched puzzle above their heads.
Finally they concluded that I should put my pants back on and come back in a month to re-do the same tests.
"WHAT THE FUCK".....I thought, "I just WAITED A MONTH for this test and now these bastards are sending me home with no results".
This was just not acceptable.
But since every shred of decency in my body had already left the building, I quietly walked out of the hospital, head down, crampy and trying my best to hold back the flood gates since crying whilst walking through midtown at 5:30pm is just not kosher. Someone was bound to hastle me and let's just say I was not in a hastling mood. Finally I found a Mc Donalds, tucked myself into the bathroom and broke down, crying out of pure frustration at the fact that no one seemed able to give me a viable answer. Added to this, no one told me that the injected fluid would suddenly start gushing out of me, a mix of iodine, blood and saline solution, all at once without notice. So there I stood in the disgusting Mc D's restroom with streams of water dripping down my face and a concoction of 3 staining my favorite, lucky jeans. Quite a sight.
When, like a God-sent angel, my phone started ringing and it was my regular, fabulous OBGYN calling to let me know that she had also looked at my tests and disagreed with the Doctors at the hospital. There might be a tiny septum (growth of skin) on my uterus, but even if there is, it's so tiny she wouldn't do anything about it. So she has now referred me to a fertility specialist Dr Sign, who will start his onslaught of tests on us both since my thrombophilia results are also in and negative. Her thoughts are that I'm probably just a low progesterone producer and that I should be put on a supplement before trying again. That said, she's still just an OB and doesn't want to make that call on her own. So next steps, Dr. Sign... my first, real male cooch doctor.
Physically exhausted and soaked, I headed over to Bloomingdales to pick up some new pants and of course for a little retail therapy. There's nothing a girl could use more after a discouraging day than new clothes, shoes and makeup.
Don't ya think?
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