marți, 1 februarie 2011

The decline of June 21st

I took the day off from work today after waking up around 3am with a sore throat and sinus headache that kept me gazing at the ceiling for hours. Eventually around 5am I picked up my blackberry, emailed-in sick, popped two Tylenol PM and plopped back into bed for a restful, drug-induced sleep. Flash-forward to 10am and I'm awake, stalling from calling in to my office and wondering "am I really sick like *cough, cough* sick, or could I merely be exhausted?"

Work has literally been kicking my ass over the past few months and I fear the non-stop 8am-thru-7pm schedule I've been keeping may be catching up with me. Problem is, I don't know really how to tear myself away from it. To me, an idle mind means rampant opportunity to wallow in self-pity at my failure as a fertile female and fuck, I've been getting plenty of time to do that during waiting-room downtime at my Doctor's office as I've been going in and out for blood work.

Speaking of blood work, we're all done with that now. Just waiting on results and then (oh joy), I get to do the sono-hysterogram. My crazy-mother's best advise to me on all this is that I should just hold off on all this medical-tra-la-la and put my faith into the hands of "The Infant Baby Jesus". How I came out of that woman's womb astonishes me but I have taken her little amulet and put it on my keychain since I like the way it jingles when it bounces around on all the other mojos I have on there.

In other news my fuck-head superintendent just called to announce that he has given away the 2-bedroom apartment I have been waiting on to another couple that has been living in the building for a longer time than we have which means we now have to move.
I just can't seem to get a break.

Later on this day....

It's now 12:30pm and June 21st is rapidly rising the ranks on my "Suckiest-Days-Ever" list with bad news after bad news trickling in slowly through my cell phone, the most recent being just a little more near and dear to all of our hearts : I have just received a call that my friend Jill who is 36 and has been trying to get pregnant for almost 2 years has been hiding a secret pregnancy which she now seems to be losing at 2 months.

Jill is one of those uber-spiritual gals who love her as I do, annoys the hell out me with her religious mind trips against IVF. The interesting part of her argument is that she isn't overly bothered about the possibility of having to do a reduction due to IVF but is instead hung up over the thought of what she would do with the harvested eggs that she perhaps may not end up fertilizing.

Do you see why this infuriates me.
In my (perhaps damned) mind, it's just an egg, and the fact that is hasn't been fertilized should be a good thing no? I mean, it would've just ended up on a tampon anyways right? I say if you really feel the need, bless it and bury it... shit I think she could probably even donate the damn thing couldn't she?

But no, Jill has decided that IVF defies all of her religious beliefs due to egg-abandonment and refuses to undergo the procedure. Meanwhile, the clocks keep ticking, and now this.

I'm concerned about her. Jill has been an emotional mishmash of a woman over the past few years and while I think it's great that she now knows she can get pregnant, I fear our chances of talking her into IVF have now greatly depreciated due to this pregnancy, and who knows how long it'll take her to conceive again.

It seems the minute we think we're up, life turns around and issues a swift kick right in the ass, lest we get too caught up in our good fortune.