Because I know you'll understand

To my Dearest "K"....

Eleven months ago we sat in the bodega, drinking wine and smoking butts, cracking up with each other as we admitted to ourselves that our lives had become pointless materialistic voids centered around superficial NYC bullshit with no real meaning or purpose. It was that evening over two (6) bottles of wine that we both admitted that we needed to take our lives to the next level... babies were in the near future for us both and oh did we have grand plans!

Within 2 months - was it even that long? - you busted me and outed my early pregnancy (you're so damn perceptive) and you delighted in my joy, toasting my apple juice with your glasses of bubbly. We giggled and hooted about how fertile I was and agonized over your own fertility issues, googling and questioning what could be wrong... why weren't you conceiving?

And then while you were on vacation I lost the baby. That was one of the hardest parts of that loss... and you knew it. The timing was horrible since you were my closest local accomplice and I know it killed us both that we were apart for that. Nevertheless, you came back and we delved into the reasons why, fought back the tears, clinked our glasses and vowed to continue our struggles.. both of us.

And then finally in January you giddily announced your impending arrival to me. I want you to know that I was excited for you.. and still am, and I apologize if I was distant at times. My hurt was still fresh and my tears still not dry.
......And then you moved.
......And then I got pregnant again.
......And then I lost it again.
Today you are 7 months pregnant and now live 4 hours away from me. Your life sounds fabulous and I am so excited every time I speak to you and you tell me more about Isabella-Rose and how much she's growing and wiggling inside of you. I love hearing about baby-yoga and all of the fabulous classes you're taking as you near your due date. I wish nothing but the best for you, E and the baby who is destined to be a knockout, not to mention a scholar.

So here is where my problem lies "K"....

I have recently received your baby shower invitation which is beautiful and so "you". I want so badly to share in your joy but shamefully I must ask you to excuse me since apparantly I am still a selfish, immature, self-centered, egotistical ass and cannot bring myself to sit in a room filled with the joy I so desperatly wanted for myself.

I promise to you that I will come visit you later this year after your little one arrives. Hopefully by then "Dad" and I will have some more concrete reasons as to why this keeps happening and the envy would have subsided with the knowledge of what needs to be done. For now we are living way too much in the unknown and that makes this all the more hard.

I know you get it, coz you're "K" and you're a fabulously understanding, supportive, compassionate and beautiful friend. I know you won't hold this against me and I want you to know it's not that I don't want to be there, I just don't think that I am emotionally ready to be there yet.

I love you girl and again, I'm sorry.

Sunday, the day that fun takes off

God do I hate Sundays.
I hate them with a pissy, pithy, passion.
52 of them in a year, 53 if you're unlucky.
Either way, they're all doom-laden.

Some people love them, some people pray for them, other people pray on them, and every year more and more of us work during them. (enter "Dad").

I have never been a fan of Sundays. In fact I would go as far as to say I hate Sundays almost as much as I hate Mondays. Tuesdays do very little to me, Wednesdays are a little better since Thursdays are right around the corner followed rapidly by Fridays... the *best days* ever.

But Sundays.....
Sundays are perpetual downer days where you sleep in late without a care in the world and then struggle to get to sleep that night. TV schedules are all awry and there's all together wayyyyyyyyyy too much sports on cable. My friends are mostly all recovering from hangovers and not too many are gung-ho to sample exotic Sunday-esq cuisines such as Dim-Sum.

So, I lounge. I read your blogs, I surf the net, cook some food and I lounge some more. B-O-R-I-N-G

You would think that I would pick Mondays as my least favorite day of the week since I dislike having to go to work after a nice weekend, but no. I hate Sundays more, because they are filled with the impending doom of Mondays. Sundays inevitably always ends up being long "ok-well-it’s-almost-Monday-now" waits for the weekend to end.

And now that Sopranos is done, Sundays just got a little worse.

Party of 3...wait no, 4

I feel like I've abandoned my blog recently which is a surprisingly horrible feeling now that I've been religiously banging away at my keyboard for 6 months... wow, has it really been that long! It's funny how upset I get now when I don't have the time to come pour my thoughts out into cyberspace. This whole journal thing really has become an bizarre form of therapy for me in more than just my reproductive / un-reproductive life. I literally dream of writing when I can't. So I'm sure you understand that my recent sojourn hasn't been for a lack of wanting to speak... au contraire, speak is what I want and want I do best, but my life recently has become all about entertaining those I would rather not have to entertain.

Let me explain....

Now that the summer months are here "Dad's" business (construction) has literally blown up on itself to the point that he can barely find qualified workmen fast enough to keep up with the volume of work that keeps streaming in his door. For obvious reasons this is a great thing but the problem herein lies that in order to keep pace, "Dad's" had to bring a friend of his in from DC to live with us and supervise overflow of projects. To make sure that I am expressing myself clearly I feel the need to emphasize that by "live with us" I mean "crash on our couch". Come on, this IS still NYC and lest we all forget that I got duped out of our promised 2 bedroom apartment last week so we're still bunking up in our one'r.

So for the last week and a half my lovely little life of me and "Dad" has now turned into "Dad", me and Dupree... the guy on the couch.

I must admit that I've been quite proud of myself and my alarming patience with this situation since those who know me know I don't "room" well with others. I realize that this is important for "Dad's" business and for that reason and that reason alone I have yet to throw a full on hissy fit. But as time ticks by and the clutter of a crowded apartment starts keeling in on me, I'm starting to notice that my patience is running thin.

You see, this weekend Dupree's girlfriend turned up.

So now, it's "Dad," me, Dupree, and Dupree's Russian girlfriend -- who has decided she'd like to stay another 5 days but who refuses to help wash a dish or contribute in any way whatsoever to the upkeep of a tiny apartment with 4 people and 2 dogs.

Added to all of this, Dupree and (let's call her Nas-tashia -- pronounce with thickest, most drawled out Russian accent possible) also expect that we entertain them which means dinners, drinks, shopping, site seeing, the works. So needless to say that on this Monday morning I am full-on E.X.H.A.U.S.T.ED right about now.

But because I love my man and I know that this boom in his business is seasonal I keep my mouth shut. I have asked him to send Dupree back to DC this weekend with Nas-tashia since I have a friend coming in from out of town who I'd prefer to not have to force to sleep with the dogs, so luckily we'll have a weekend off from those two but it really feels like the constant influx of house guests just isn't ending. Though don't get me wrong... my house guest this weekend is "Dr. Far-Away-But-Fabulous" who I am thrilled to be having come visit me.

I'll take any of my girls over Dupree + Nas-tashia any day of the week!

Jackpot

In honor of today's rare (and potentially lucky) 07.07.07 date I thought I'd share some interesting 7's facts with you ladies.....

Not only is 7-7-7 the top slot machine jackpot but it also adds up to 21 in Black Jack. There are 7 days of the week, 7 colors in a rainbow, 7 ancient metals, 7 wonders of the world, 7 planets that can be seen with the naked eye, 7 notes in the traditional musical scale, 7 days of creation in the Bible, and 7 Wonders of the World.

The number seems to carry religious symbolism too. Not only did God create the world in six days and rest on the seventh but Catholics also celebrate seven sacraments and seven virtues. In Jewish weddings the bride circles the groom seven times and the couple has seven days of festive meals. Did I mention that a menorah has 7 candelabras?
In almost every system of antiquity there are also frequent references to the number seven. There were for instance seven ancient planets, the sun being the greatest planet and next to the sun, the moon, changing in all its splendor every seventh day.
The Arabians had seven Holy Temples and in Persian mysteries there were seven spacious caverns through which the aspirants had to pass. The Goths had seven deities, as did the Romans, from whose names are derived our days of the week.
So one can only conclude that this day, which comes only once in a lifetime MUST be a significant and possibly serendipitous day.
Perhaps I'll go buy some scratch tickets... just in case.

Oh, and I think that those of you not currently benched by your Doctors should definitely get to bumpin' uglies today.
Do it for me... come on, take one for the team.