Dia-wha'?

As expected at some point along this journey, I finally failed the 3-hr glucose test and was condemned to the "diabetic" category last week at 35 weeks. Not too shabby if you ask me since most women start having to deal with that much earlier in their gestation, as opposed to me who if lucky will only have to deal for 6 weeks. Still it's grossly annoying and inconvenient, particularly with my schedule, pace of life, and well...... straight up stubborn nature.

The thing is that I fail these silly little tests by minuscule points, so logically speaking I really don't belong in these test groups but rather am subjected to them due to my OB's bizarre fetish with gestational diabetes studies. Of course I hate every moment of it but since diabetic means more likelihood of early induction (particularly for those of us who don't follow "the rules"), I say what-evs and submit myself to the 7-times daily blood punching that is required in order to maintain my blood sugar levels... or whatever it is really that I'm supposed to be tracking - ?

So it's been a week and I'm going into tomorrow with my little finger pricky machine and chart which quite frankly I should be ashamed of, but truly I am not. You see, my numbers are WAY off....... wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy off. Were I "really" diabetic, I'd probably be in some sort of sugar induced coma right now, but I'm not....because I'm NOT diabetic. Say it loud and repeat after me: "I am NOT diabetic". Let's be frank, I am a control in a study and with a busy life, an insane work schedule, and again that aforementioned stubbornness, I really have not been following the prescribed diet of 6 almonds and 1 apple thrice daily. I mean really, I'm 36 weeks + 1 day pregnant, do I REALLY look like I would/should have the patience to have a mandated menu at this point in my pregnancy?

I think not.
And on top of that, I know my baby is fine. Payton is......... and he had the same bogus results.
So I say take your diet and shove it. If I want to sip on my venti latte all day long then and inhale some watermelon during lunch then so shall it be.
Thhhhhbbbtttppppppp.

On the positive side of glucose tolerance failure, we did get to see the little princess again last week and yes it's confirmed, she is a SHE.... no doubt about that. She's positioned well and weighed in at 5lbs 10oz which means she's in the 52-nd percentile - bam smack where she needs to be for her age --- further proof that I am a guinea pig in a study that I don't belong in. A few friends of mine threw a small shower for me this weekend which I really did not want (I hate the attention) but it actually turned out to be nice since they were able to show me that I can have a girl and shop for a bad-ass chick at the same time... see this dress in all it's Chanel-esq fabulousness. How fun!!!!

T minus 13 days to go..............

Baby Om

I'm here, I'm here....... I'm alive..... holy crap it's been a while huh!!!
I really don't know how I'm staying afloat these days, but here I am.... 34 weeks pregnant and not one damn thing has been done for this baby. Not one pink blanket, not one sparkle encrusted hair ribbon, not one new soft cuddly baby item purchased whatsoever. Not even a 2nd crib.
This poor, poor child.

As far as my pregnancy goes things have been good. As I said I'm 34 weeks today and though I'm suffering with heartburn and the standard 34-week pregnant uncomfortableness and exhaustion, we're doing just fine. Work has been kicking my ass and I have only JUST stopped traveling to which I can firmly say Amen. I have seriously racked up more miles this last year than in my entire life... the vast majority of it being whilst I've been pregnant. Truly I don't know how I am going to deal with this AND 2 babies in 2010, but only time will tell I guess.

Two babies... yeah, that's another topic for discussion today. Although I'm still clearly in denial about the impending addition to our brood, lets not think that I have allowed the realization that we will soon have 2 babies in our house to slip me.. because it certainly has NOT. The mere thought of it petrifies me, though in some corner of my mind I just keep thinking that we'll get through it... somehow. I guess you have to right. There really isn't a choice!

The scariest part is really the off-schedule nap times. It took me about 8 months to get Payton to sleep through the night and to enjoy his 3 hours mid-day nap, and I tell you being pregnant and home on the weekends, those mid-day naps are bliss. But the thought that we will soon have to start all over again with a new little pink bundle of fun.........ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Brain blowing I tell you! But we will survive. Others have, our situation is no different.

Regardless I am excited to meet the little princess, and though my actions (ie: not shopping) do not reflect my excitement, I am truly looking forward to having a little girl to share our lives with. The most interesting thing to me about this pregnancy has really been the differences in how she moves versus how Payton moved inutero. Payton we knew from the get-go was going to be our little soccer star, and to date he is living up to that expectation. For the last 4 months of my pregnancy with him I was kicked and constantly rib-bruised while he aggressively practised his shots, using my left rib cage as his defensive goalie, to the extent that it was tender to touch. Whereas this little one is a total yogi, stretching from the tippie-tippie-tops of her fingers right down to her toes to the point where you can actually see both sides of my belly extend out while she tests just how tall she can make herself. It's not so bad on one side but on the other, she really pokes hard with her fingers and it can get pretty uncomfortable. Funny though that this is her main movement. Other than that she's not super active and seems to just lay around until she's ready for a nice full body stretch! My little yogi.

So again, my apologies for being so distant. I am here, I am well, but I am also trying to tie things up before I leave for my maternity and am trying to focus all my efforts there for now.
Perhaps a little too much though.

Pray for sleep

4:35am - I think I might be dying.
I saw my Doctor today and was diagnosed as having a sinus infection with just a touch of ear infection for garnish. I'm happy to at least know what it is, and bless her she prescribed a z-pack to help me recover. In all honesty she told me to wait until Friday and if the symptoms hadn't subsided to start the z-pack then, but I couldn't wait and started it immediately after leaving her office. Listen... I've already lived with this pressure in my head for 5 days straight and no Sudafed or Tylenol or any of that crap has worked. I need immediate relief and since antibiotics don't work right away anyways at least this way by her prescribed Friday I'll be feeling better.

It makes sense, think about it.

The problem is that now that I am on the z-pack I cannot take the drowsy Sudafed which if anything at least helped me sleep through the pain. So instead, I'm loaded up on antibiotics and sitting here in the wee hours of the morn, head EXPLODING, ears filled, feeling like an overblown helium balloon....... and NOT sleeping.

This isn't good.
I'm supposed to work tomorrow. I'm seriously thinking I'll need to call out but that worries me since I'm hoping to take some time off in the upcoming weeks when my parents come to visit. Oh yeah, did I mention that? My parents are coming.... this should be interesting.

Anyways, if anyone has any awesome home remedies send 'em my way. I'm completely stuffed up, can't breathe, can't sleep, and all in all not in a good mood at all.

Swine Flu or Ebola?

Man am I SICK.
I've been sick since Friday which since I had planned on taking off weeks in advance meant that instead of using a sick day I got to use a vacation day while I was sick.... yay me. So if you do the math I've pretty much felt shitty for 4 days now - all through the long weekend.

YUCK.

I'd say though that the worst part of my sickness has been how UNHELPFUL "Dad" has been. Seriously, I'm terribly disappointed in him. And I know it's mostly because I'm pregnant to boot and hormonal in addition to all this, but today I seriously HATE him.

Friday - I wasn't feeling terrible yet and he had to work, so that was ok - I let him work and I did my thing with Payton.

Saturday - He'd made plans to go help a friend with some household chores. Since he'd made that plan in advance I said nothing and struggled through the day with my sniffles. That night we were supposed to go for dinner with a friend but I canceled since I was truly feeling horrible. "Dad" opted to go to a bar with same friend 'til 2am. I said nothing.

Sunday - As usual I woke up at 7am and did my thing with Payton - feeling terrible but what was I to do? Around 10am "Dad" saunters downstairs whereupon he plays with Payton for a few minutes and then starts doing chores around our house. At 12pm I put Payton down for a nap and passed out myself. When I awoke around 2pm I found "Dad" snoring next to me. I picked up Payton from his room and headed downstairs. "Dad" turned up about an hour later, played with Payton for 2 minutes and then disappeared into the basement to build furniture -- NOT an essential task. Still, I said nothing.

Lucky for him I've felt so shitty and my throat hurts so much that I haven't really had the energy to fight him over all this yet.
YET.

Monday - Up at 7am with Payton, "Dad" awakes around 10am again and we go to the supermarket. At 12pm I put Payton down but can't sleep myself because my head, sinuses, eyes, ears... everything HURTS. It's now 5:30pm and "Dad" is once more doing chores. Poor Payton is plopped in his highchair watching Sesame Street... I just don't have the energy to entertain him.

I'm 6+ months pregnant, sick as a dog, hesitant to take medicine and this man WON'T HELP ME!
I don't friggin' get it.
Do I HAVE to turn into a raving bitch to get some compassion here this weekend?

Am I hormonal?
Am I over-reacting?
Is it me or is he desperately, desperately WRONG?

I have 2 more hours 'til Payton goes down for the night and then I swear to God, he's GETTING IT from me. His ears will be RIPE when I'm done with him.

Bastard.

My mind is made...

First, thank you all for your input. It definitely stirred more thought and helped me work towards the best decision for me, my baby and my employee.

This debate has been so back and forth in my head but in the end I have decided that as his manager I need to show him the respect he deserves, particularly during these trying times in his life. I need to be there to support him and help him in whatever way I can, and cannot let my feelings of "eww" get in the way of that. If I dodge him today then I have to dodge him again when we are scheduled as a team to come together later in August, and again in September and once more in October. How can I be an supportive leader of my team if I don't educate myself effectively about where the dangers do and don't lie, and recognize when I am being overly-emotional about a non-issue.

My internet research (and an Anonymous Doctor ....thanks Doc) have confirmed to me that hepatitis C and syphilis are only passed through bodily fluids, and I certainly do not plan on sleeping with the kid. My baby and I are in no risk of contracting these devastating diseases, nor are either us susceptible to anything else by just sitting in a room with him. My Company's culture is European and so we do embrace and kiss-kiss when we meet, and I think this may be my one last hesitation, but I plan on being professional (and quietly scrubbing my hands and face after wards). Other than that I am going forward with it.

My baby will be fine.
We will be fine.
I know it.

I just can't tell "Dad" I'm doing it - he's not in agreement.
No.
No way.
No way in hell.

But it's my call and I think I'm making the educated, fair and considerate decision for all involved.

What would you do?

I remotely manage an employee based in South Florida who has been under-performing for quite some time and who I am essential actioning out of his role due to this. So far he's on action plan #2 with the goal of termination if he does not increase his productivity come the end of Q3. It's not looking good.

Thanks to his frustrated co-workers I have also now been made aware that his under-performance is likely linked to a chain of health issues that he is dealing with... serious health issues. Apparently this poor kid was recently diagnosed +AIDS, with hepatitis C and syphilis added to mix for some flavor. Clearly this is a kid who wasn't listening when Mom + Dad warned of the dangers of unprotected sex. Regardless, he is ill and needs to take care of himself but he (I hear through his coworkers) refuses to undergo treatment for the HepC (a form of radiation therapy) until it is absolutely necessary. The syphilis is being treated with weekly penicillin shots which make him feel quite ill but should clear up the blotchy skin in a few weeks. (I get hives just thinking about it, but apparently his Doctor's say he is not contagious - ?).

So this employee is coming to NYC on Monday for a training class and has requested some time for the two of us to sit and chat - during which I know he will divulge these illness to me.... remember, I am not supposed to know yet.

So herein lies the problem...

I am 23 weeks pregnant and call me sheltered but these ailments are quite foreign to me. Yes, yes, I know I can't get AIDS from sitting in the same room as him. But what about all that "other stuff"? And the blotchy skin? His Doctor's say he is not contagious but I'm pregnant and you can't be too safe?

So what do I do?
My Doctor is away so I have not been able to get her advise and the internet cannot be trusted.
If I do choose to not risk it and not be around him, how do I communicate the reasons why without him finding out that his confidants are ratting on him?

Ugh.
My heart goes out to this poor kid. He truly has a one-way ticket to a place that someone his age shouldn't be going, but I say you make your bed, you lie in it.
My unborn baby girl is my first priority now and that I don't know how to deal with.

Any thoughts / advise / comments or experience as to whether it is safe for me to be in the same room with him or not?
Am I being melodramatic?

America's Little Darlings

I have recently become slightly obsessed with the education of my offspring.

My interests were initially aroused by a one-time glance at an Economist magazine - because truly I do not read the Economist, it is far too boring for my feeble mind. But I did happen to pick up that ONE measly issue which housed the article "The Underworked American" - an eye opening essay on the Huck-Finnian education system to which we subject our children, crafted in the early 1900's and still best served to those children needed to plow the corn during the cooling mid-afternoon hours and harvest the fields through the ripe summer months.... hence we let them out of school by 3pm and give them 3+ months of summer vacation. Ample time for their succulent minds to absorb adequate nothing.

My interest was peaked.

And then I read Malcolm Gladwell's new book "Outliers" - an assessment of success and the varying socio-economic, and in many times circumstantial events that occur in a person's life that may give them that extra little push they need towards becoming a truly successful anomaly. If you have not yet read it, do so. The book covers a variety of success stores ranging from Bill Gates and the aviation industry, all the way to the Canadian hockey league; but truly that part that captured my attention was once more the references to our lazy education system.

Some estimates say that while Asian students spend approximately +200 days/year in school, and Europeans 195 days, America's little darlings are spending a mere 180 days/year ----- a 180-day deficit over a 12-year period, meaning that our children are losing almost 1 year of school as compared with their Asian and European counterparts!

What?

And that's without looking at the average number of hours actually spent in those days being educated!

American students average 32 hours/week of school, whereas in much of Europe the school week is more around the 50's range, once more giving our children a lesser advantage over their global peers. And let's not even talk about those 3 months off during summer break....................

Frightening.

As I researched and read on I became aware of one ground-breaking national movement to change the way we educate our children. The KIPP - Knowledge is Power Program is addressing this problem head-on, running well-rounded programs inclusive of typical math/science/english curriculum, but also adding cultural experiences such as the arts and orchestra to their schedules. The classes generally start around 7:30am and go thru 5pm Monday - Friday, and 8:30am to 1:30pm two Saturdays a month.

I can hear the gasps already!
Yes, you read right - that's a 9.5 hour day during the week. A FULL schedule.
But why shouldn't it be?

Aren't we preparing our little ones to enter a demanding American workforce where high work ethic is valued? Why wouldn't we take advantage of this unique time in their growth when they are able to absorb and retain and grow so much? What's the point of getting out of school at 2:30pm? And what does that mean for the rest of their days? Am I supposed to just sit back in my office knowing that my children are wasting their time every afternoon watching Power Rangers instead of doing something valuable with their afternoons and summer vacation?

And do you know they get paid for KIPP?
Yup! They accumulate $ for their commitment which they then put towards buying books, laptops, and even class outings at the end of year. Talk about teaching the value of hard work!

I'm not saying I agree with South Korea's 300-day/year school programs........ no Sir. I'm all for a fun-loving, carefree childhood - but everything within reason. Why waste this precious time? Why not set my children up and give them a well rounded and full educational experience, complete with the cultural experiences that as a working Mother sadly I cannot offer on a regular enough basis?

So KIPP it is for my little ones.

The only problem?
I fall wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy outside of the income bracket that allows my little under-achievers the ability to attend freely!

The program was initially created for lower-income families and while they do encourage a lottery draw to allow children from outside influences into their schools, thereby offering diversity, it truly does come down to the luck of the draw.... and knowing my luck.......... well................ no need to say more. I must say I was pleased to see that someone is making an attempt to give those children less fortunate than mine a chance to succeed, and I take my hat off to the KIPP founders for that. But selfishly I think to myself, "that's just not fair! How do I get that for my kids too?"

In my opinion the American education system is in dire need of a massive overhaul.
I only hope it gets there before Payton does........
In the meanwhile I'll be researching Plan B.

Poor baby, then and now

There's an incident I remember quite clearly that occurred when I was about 5 or 6 years old where I remember laying in my parent's bed crying, miserable, feverish and just very, very sick. I remember laying there sort of / sort of not watching TV while my mother fought a brave fight against my fever and struggled to get liquids down me.

And then I remember throwing it all up all over her bed.
And then the guilt came, the tears following rapidly.

I remember that overwhelming feeling of guilt and "sorry" that I had dirtied her bed. And I remember my mother trying to assure me that it was okay, but through my inconsolable sobs, to me there was nothing more devastating than what I had just done. To dirty HER bed.... how dare I? No sickness could excuse that could it?

And then last night Payton developed a fever. Around 4AM the tears started and so I protectively brought him into bed with us and lay him there, trying desperately to get him to allow me to keep a cool compress on his head in a desperate attempt to keep his temperature down and get him to consume liquids. (Sound familiar?)

And then 6AM... he throws up EVERYWHERE.
All over our bed, all over our comforter, all over us. It was demonic. And the tears that followed...petrifying. Now grant it, Payton is far too young to understand or feel the guilt that I as a 6 year old felt during a similar situation. But the similarity of the events reminded me of my Mother and her attempts to console me back then, and in my youth my complete and utter misunderstanding of a Mother's selflessness.

HELLO my name is........

I am in love with the name Savannah!
I think it's sooooooooo pretty and have even convinced "Dad" that it's a great possibility for our little girl, but I have some lingering questions that keep bugging me when it comes to naming her that.....

1. I seem to remember a porn star with that name and some scandalous story about her shooting herself or killing someone, or something equally as concerning. So do the legacies of a name live on generationally or do you think that by the time our "Savannah" is old enough no one will remember that and/or make the connection? I mean... it's already vague to me!
2. How do I stop people from calling her Savi, or Vannah? Or is that an unstoppable fact when you name your little one with such a BIG and boisterous name?
   

Since I'm so concerned I'm also tossing around a few others that I'd love some opinions on then... her last name rhymes with "Farga"....

• Ella - love it but it's becoming so common.... I worry she'll be in class with Ella 1, 2 and 3
  
• Sloane - but will they call her "Slow Sloane?"
  
• Fallon - too weird?
  
• Sienna
• Jade
  
• Charly

I also love, love, love Gypsy and would not hesitate or blink an eye lid at naming her that. Sadly her father's culture determines that this will not be an option and so he has advised me that I can name our next dog that.......... someofabitch!

So what do you think?
Anyone have any cute, rarer names? They can't be too common, and they've got to make you think strong, determined, passionate, and beautiful.

That's not too tall of an order now is it?!

Seeing PINK!

It's official, we're having a GIRL!
Holy crap.

I'm not sure yet how I feel about this though. Sure, I'm excited... who wouldn't want a pretty little angel to play dress up with? I know I do. But now "Dad" has the motivation he needed to "close up shop" at 2..... while I've always wanted 3.

Obviously I'm not holding it against the poor kid, and seriously though I'm worried about raising a girl, I'm also really excited about it! I'm not a girly-girl myself but hey, I know a great pair of shoes when I see one and will be thrilled to share that knowledge with my new BFF as she grows and matures into a little lady.

It's weird though because happy as I am, I must admit that a teeny tiny part of me is also a tad jealous! YES! I'm jealous of my daughter!

Jealous that I will no longer be the #1 girl in her father's life.
Now THAT'S twisted.