marți, 1 februarie 2011

Pre-hystero-whatever jitters

Because I am frantically nervous about Thursday's hysteroscopy - a word I can barely pronounce - I have been googling like my usual manic self trying to learn as much as possible in an attempt to educate and ease my mind going in. To be fair it seems to be a minimally invasive procedure but since I am a recovering dramatist I feel the inherent urge to get myself worked up. Most people probably wouldn't blink twice at this kind of thing, but admittedly, I’m a total confessed wimp.

So here I sit, ferociously googling when low and behold I come across this not-at-all-comforting and mildly odd image of what looks like Charlie Chaplin, peering up some poor woman's cooch in 1898 through a hollow and obviously illuminated dildo, his nose dangerously close to some demure Victorian woman's plumbing - a place no man should be allowed without at least offering her a minimum of 4 vodka tonics. At least we know the humiliation dates back right girls!

Thankfully however, I live in 2007 and instead of some mustached dude staring into me from half an inch away I'll get a full-on HD screen with a 5 mega pixel full color camera and surround sound (too far?) view of what's going on in there. I friggin' love technology.

I do have to say though that from all my research the part I'm looking forward to the most is all the farting (queefing) I anticipate given that I will be blown up beyond capacity with gas in order for "Charlie" to get a good look-see at my what-nots and what-have-yous up inside there. I've always wanted to have a valid excuse to just lie around eliminating odorous gases all day, and I guess Thursday/Friday will be that day.

Another blog advises that I purchase myself a sippy cup for the day after since sitting up to drink whilst in recovering might not be very comfortable.

So here's a nice visual for you...
I'll pretty much be spending my recovery in total regression laying around farting all over myself and sipping on my sippy cup.
Oddly, I'm looking forward to it.